Let Your Light Shine - Joy in the Heart

“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1

Infertility is a disease many people tend to overlook. It’s silent. Not spoke about, not really studied. And yet part of me feels it’s because it’s not a man’s disease. It’s not diabetic heart disease or prostrate, yet it is a part of a woman’s body that is broken. Despite what might dismay, she still keeps going and she doesn’t allow you to see she is broken.

I’ve been putting off this topic for what seems like a long time. Infertility is not a common issue that people talk about. PCOS is a condition that not many know about or its underlining cause. They only see the symptoms, the many excruciation symptoms. Those who have PCOS have a variety of symptoms. Excessive facial hair growth, some have loss of hair/balding, excessive weight gain (or its difficult to lose weight), pre-diabetes or Type II diabetes (high insulin levels). Some of these symptoms people can see, but do not understand. They don’t understand why you can’t just lose the weight, exercise, eat healthy.

The thing is, people with PCOS more than likely do these things to try, and “prevent” the symptoms or mask the symptoms. They pluck, wax, and/or thread the unwanted hair. Try to mask the unwanted acne. They try every diet trend. I’m sure every doctor they see tells them to go on a 1200 cal food diet so they can “loose the weight.” It just sounds so easy. As much as those with PCOS try to mask the outward symptoms that others can see, that we may be ashamed of, we cannot mask the actual disease.

The symptoms unseen are heavy or abnormal menstrual cycles, irregular or absent menstrual cycles, ovarian cysts, excessive cramping, metabolic syndrome, problems with your liver enzyms (“fatty” liver- non-alcoholic steatuhepatitis), and complications with gallbladder or removal. The list seems to go on and on. On top of the physical issues both inside and out, dealing with infertility/PCOS can also cause depression and anxiety.

Living with PCOS I have had to learn to take control of my life, and not allow the disease to control me. PCOS is something I deal with on a day to day basis. Some days are better than others. For some, they may think a good day as, “hey, I don’t have a period this month.” A missed cycle isn’t ever a celebration, but yet a disappointment. A pregnancy test you know will be negative. The days you know your body has failed you once again. On the days you do have a cycle, you celebrate. You are relieved your body has chosen to work again! But, on the inside, you’re sad that there is no pregnancy that month.

So what are the good days you may ask, and how is it anyone can have a positive spin on life, and not let the symptoms take over their life? You keep living for you. You live for God. If it weren’t for God, I would NOT be able to handle it. There were so many times it felt like giving up was the answer. But then, God would always have the smallest light come in during the darkest hour. John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” He’s always there. God is the light (1 John 1:5-9).

Each and every day that I wake up is a new day. I am blessed beyond all measures with the family I have who loves and supports me. I am grateful for the career I have. Most of all, I am also amazed how God can take something that feels so broken, and make it complete. It may not be in a scientific, biological sense, but it is in his will and his way as well as timing. Which has become the desire of my heart and my way. I love my family with all my heart. They make each day worth it. Every smile on their face, every hugs and kisses for night time, and even at the hardest, stressful, “mom” moments we have with our kids. At the end of the day, they are truly my “sunshines.”