Gotcha Day Year Two
Two years today I became a mom. I’ve always been a parent, ever since we got the girls. Because when you foster or are a guardian, you are not only the child’s caregiver, but a mentor. As a result, you teach them to survive in this world, learn the basic skills they need, schooling, but most important, love and safety. You are their safe haven. This is what being a parent is all about. No matter if you are a friend, aunt, grandma, teacher. Kids need a safe haven.
Two years ago at the adoption, I became more than a parent. I became a mom. Knowing you have a child to love nurture and not having to worry that one day it’s ripped from your heart.
This fall, we will have the girls now for five years in our care.
People ask, are you still trying to have children of your own? I do have my own kids. According to the state, they are mine. I may not share their genes, or birthed them, but I was there when they were born. I heard their heartbeats, felt kicks with my hand, and saw the joy in their eyes as they grew.
God made a way for my husband and I to not only become parents, but a Mom and Dad. Trust me, if we could have done it our way, we would have. But that was not the best way. It was got God’s way, and for that we are grateful. Do I get sad still? Every now and then. Who wouldn’t? All the what if’s. What would our own child look like? If we had a boy and not girls. What if drugs were not an affect to the girls biological parents.
Why couldn’t we be a “normal” family? But what is normal? And why wouldn’t you want to be spectacular?!
I would be lying if I said I didn’t have sadness or deal with depression. God gets me through that. But I am no longer bitter. I do not have regrets, resentment, or hate. God brought joy into my life during the worst time in my life. My husband and I had a lot of heartache when I found out I was barren. When I learned of a miscarriage and tubal disease. My body was broken. It didn’t work and I couldn’t do what women are suppose to do. Why the Lord put them on earth. I remember my husband saying if he could do it for me he would. And I know in his heart he was dead serious.
This time in my life made me question everything. I questioned my faith, my marriage, my life. I was bitter, angry. But all I could do was pray. Pray for forgiveness, pray for comfort, healing, peace that passes all understanding, and hope for tomorrow. Joy comes in the darkness. I knew I was suppose to be a mom. Deep in the depths my heart. Like breathing air. I begged on my hands and knees God to make us parents.
I didn’t know how it would happen. But, I knew God could do it.
God made miracles happen everyday. If you ask God the deepest desires of your heart, he will give it to you. I was broken, and he gave me life. I was empty, and he fulfilled my spirits with joy. My purpose was unknown, and he made me a mom. I was lonely, and he gave me love.
We are the norm. This is a norm as it gets. Our kids have messy rooms, we yell from time to time, cook dinner as a family, have dishes in the sink, watch cartoons, giggle it out, kiss boo boos that make us cry, do everything other families do. Some days I may go over the top. I love celebrating my girls birthdays, making events special, and being creative when I get to spend the day with them.
Other times, when I have a day bad, a sad day… my girls know I still love them. They know I will never have a baby of my own. But they know their biological mom loved them enough to let me be their mom. They know she gave them the opportunity to be taken care of by parents who can give and do things for them she was not able to do.
Gotcha day for us is a day we will always remember. It’s a day we became a family. A day we gained daughters we never thought we would have. It’s a day I became a mom.
