The C Scare

You tend to think you are untouchable in your teens. In your twenties, you have your whole life ahead of you. Your thirties, you realized life is passing you by.  By the time you hit your mid thirties, life starts to become real. You wonder if you are making the right choices in life. Are you established in your career? In your marriage? Or are you starting over? How is your health? Will you live long enough to see your child graduate, get married? Will you have more children? There are so many things that go through our head in our mid thirties; do you begin a new chapter in your life, or is it’s too late. 

It’s like a major cross roads to where our life will be leading us.

In my thirties I had a big scare. Probably the most uncomfortable scare. This is one topic that you can’t really talk about. Not many people will understand. They’re too scared to talk about. It’s like a taboo. The pain, itching, uncomfortable feeling.  In my thirties I had to have a skin biopsy on my left breast.  And this wasn’t the most unpleasant experience. Now I’m sure it’s going to be nothing, but it is still scary. You become worried.  I know God has everything in his hands. He will protect and take care of me. I don’t have a shadow of a doubt. Its just something they are doing as a procession.  I would be lying if I didn’t say it wasn’t scary.  It is so scary!

After starting to analyze the situation, I think and wonder how could this happen?  I don’t drink (heavily), don’t smoke, say no do drugs, and I’d like to think I am a nice/fair person I think. I don’t have addictions to where it would cause harm. Tanning beds are a no. I use 50 SPF when I can at the beach or the pool.  I have great hair, great boobs, and I’m pretty happy with my life for the most part. Great job, great family. But I would be lying if this situation didn’t worry me.

Thinking of having the “C” word is so scary, especially at my age, and with my life. 

What would happen with my husband, my daughters? Who would take care of them? What would happen to them? Well my husband marry again? Will they grow up ok?

There are so many things running through my mind right now, and I don’t have a solution on what to do. I think, it’s no fair, it’s not fair that this is happening to me. I’ve worked too dang hard in life for this to happen.  What else could I have done better to prevent this?

I think of all the people I know that have had “C”.  All the pain they went through, all the treatments, and how they were different after.  Their life was never truly the same after.  The ones who survived.  

I think of how hard I have worked to get my career started and going.  All the education I have put into it, and how successful the practice is.

I think of all the effort, money, time, and emotion I put into my family.  How could I do this to them? How could something happen to me?

I begin to question.  What could I have done better? Exercise more, stress let, eat less, eat healthier, be more grateful, go to church more often.  

All these things did not happen because of me or what I did. 

It happened because of God. He allows it to happen. I trusted him and had faith in him.  And I have faith that he will get me through this.  God will make everything ok and he will make me better.  This is only a small part of my biggest picture in life.  This is something that happens, but it shows my faith in God.  I know I will be ok. God is with me.  He loves me. He takes care of me, my family, and those who I love.  

God is an amazing God! No matter what I do, no matter how I mess up, God loves me the same.  He will never stop loving me.  It is so hard to keep focus on him when it seems like things are going well in life. I pray that he helps me keep that as a reminder each and every day.